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• Invisible Scars - Tanya
• Comfort In My Skin - Katherine
• Depression: The Unburdening Of My Past - Neva
• When There Is No Way Out - Ida
• Opposite Ends - Priscilla
• Karyn's Story - Karyn
• Please Like Me - Meagan
• Got To Bo In Healthy Relationships To Be Healthy - Meagan, Tiana and Katherine
• Beauty: Let's Redefine It - Shauna
• MizLabelled - Tiana

"You're not good enough!" "You can't do it." "You can do better." "Why couldn't you be more like. . . ." Often parents look at their words as criticism that will help their child do better. What they fail to realize is that these ways to "motivate" us stick with us, and the more we hear them the more we believe them.

Being a victim of a verbal and psychological abuse, and being negatively affected by sizism due to being overweight, are both influential factors that have had an impact on depression for me. Picture yourself, as far back as you can remember, being nine, 10 years old and not wanting to go home because you're tired of crying and tired of being made fun of and having no one to talk to because you're a kid, you don't understand what real problems are.

Finally, at the age of 13, because I didn't want to go to school anymore because of all the teasing, but didn't want to have to stay home with Dad either, I was put in counselling. Although the counselling was working for school problems, it was difficult to work on home problems because my dad always refused to come in for help, and until he came in to talk, there was nothing that could be done. My counsellor had given me the tips and strategies that I needed to try and cope with the abuse.

Unfortunately, my counsellor never asked about my past, or how long it had been going on or anything because she kept saying that she covered all that information with my mom. Since I was a minor, she had to get most of the information from my mom. What I failed to know at the time was that there were many secrets from my past, that I was unaware of, that could have explained so much of what was going on at home. Information that my entire family, close friends of the family and even my counsellor were aware of, but because my mom didn't want me to find out, I was never told. It wasn't until I was 15 years old that these lies and secrets were made true to me. This is when I found that my dad was not really my biological father. That he and my mom had been together since I was two.

Once this revelation was made to me, many things were made clear. It helped me understand why I was treated so differently than my younger brother, who is my stepfather's biological son. Although I don't know if knowing from the beginning would have made a difference, I believe if I had been able to have the opportunity of knowing my biological family and having a relationship with them, things may have been different.

I strongly believe that family relationships are crucial to a healthy development. Being honest, open, positive and supportive are key elements. Furthermore, I believe that if a service provider is aware of information that may explain a child's behaviour or mood, he or she should approach the parent and discuss the option of telling the child the truth about what's going on. It may not seem like the best thing for the child's interest at first; however, it is important to think of the best outcome for the child in the long run.

I probably could have been diagnosed with depression at the age of 14 or so, but I didn't understand what was going on; I just thought I was sad because of what was happening. It wasn't until I was out on my own that I had the time to really think about what was going on in my life, what I had been through and what I had to deal with. I was "free" from home for a while. It was when I went back to university after Christmas break that I was diagnosed with depression. The pressure of being away from home - no family or friends close by - was difficult, but the realization of what I had been through and that I had "taken" all that for so many years was overwhelming.

I believe that it's important for service providers to listen to what we're saying when we're there. To look beyond the situation at hand and find out if there is something external that may be affecting the current situation, such as past events, peers, society. If necessary, bring in the family in order to discuss the problem as a family so that everyone knows how everyone is feeling and can really understand what's going on.

Other things that I think are important for service providers are to teach young women defence mechanisms on how to deal with situations at hand. Make sure to get us involved in the treatment, that it's not just what the service provider thinks is best, but that we, the young women, agree. Ask us what we want to do, what we think is the best way to deal with things. Don't do for us, but guide us. Be empathic. Don't tell us you know what we're going through, because unless you've been there, you don't really know what were going through ...you may understand, but don't know how we feel. But most importantly, empower us. Especially when dealing with young women who are negatively affected by sizism, there are great empowering tools found at
http://www.geocities.com/heidihoogstra/recoveryfromsizism.html. Some examples of these are:

• Learn to love yourself. Stop hating and stop despising yourself.
• Find community. Don't allow the societal oppression to marginalize you.
• Stand up for yourself. Get angry.

and many more.

Although I've been through many difficult things, and at times it seemed like it was impossible to get through, I believe that it has moulded me into the stronger, better person that I am today. Although it may seem that we are your average young women on the outside, deep down inside we may be dealing with much more. Don't be afraid to ask what's going on and how we're doing - but when you ask us, mean it!