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 Centre for Addictionand Mental Health |
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Depression: The Unburdening Of My Past - NevaHear me, Understand me, Support me: In Their Words - Young women's stories, advice and wisdomIn this section:
I went through a really challenging time in my life about six years ago now. I had been experiencing postpartum blues after weaning my toddler. I wondered why I felt the way I did. I was lonely, sad, angry and just not happy. Thankfully I had a supportive family and community who helped me to see what was happening. I was hiding inside; I did not want others to know what I really felt. This took so much energy out of me; I made myself physically ill. I went a few years sticking a band-aid on everything and still felt depressed and even had suicidal thoughts and actions. I was aware of my feelings and began wanting to heal myself. I went to a healing lodge that helped me to talk and express my feelings; it also helped me to identify my childhood hurts. I was parented in a dysfunctional family, and I was carrying generations of unhealthy behaviour. I unburdened a lot during the three-week program at the healing lodge. I also found I had to take care of myself better; I had to put me first. I was told when I was down and out, "Get better, and remember you have children who need you." This was not helpful; again it was telling me to put myself second. I had to find time for me; I had to make arrangements for my children so I could have time. Now it’s a regular part of my life, to have time for self-care. Stress played a huge part in my life; stress can physically break down your immune system and affect your eating and sleeping. It did to me and it seemed to snowball all the other problems and feelings I was experiencing into an overwhelming tidal wave. What I would like to share with health professionals, service providers and helpers who work with young women is to listen and have patience with your client, ask questions, be honest and sincere with them. Acknowledge their feelings. Treat the whole person physically - through diet and vitamins; mentally - through counselling, journaling and by providing reading materials; emotionally - through respite care, massage therapy, holistic healers; and spiritually - through traditional healing, pastor or clergy, walking outside, etc. If you can, refer them to everyone you know. Build on their strengths and not their weaknesses; if a person is artistic refer them to art therapy. Be very thorough. I was finding it so hard to work, care for a family and myself; it began to affect all those areas of my roles and responsibility. I was overwhelmed and could not cope. I went to my doctor and I requested a stress leave from work with a lengthy explanation; I was in tears and hurting inside. He said no, I think you should keep working and I will write you a prescription for an antidepressant. I left the doctor’s office without help or acknowledgement of what I was feeling. I needed a lot more from that doctor, like a referral to speak to a holistic practitioner, blood work, and to know he cares. I took his prescription and I felt even worse than I was before that. I stopped taking them. My family support and healers in and around my community were the ones who really helped me. I quit my job after not being successful with receiving a stress leave from my doctor. I was totally overwhelmed, I was not able to care for my children, cook supper or clean the house - nothing. My mom took me to a traditional healer and I was given very simple self-care plan. I was to soak my feet in sea salt and hot water for two hours twice a day, I was to drink four glasses of lemon juice and water a day, I was to drink cedar tea as much as I could a day and I was to eat soups that were made from soup bones. My mom moved into my home and did the things I would have done if I were well enough. She stayed for a few weeks, I did the self-care plan the healer suggested and in the matter of a week I was feeling 200 percent better. The first foot soak I had a scary experience. I was exhausted of my energy and my husband had to help me onto the couch to lie down. He called my auntie, who is a community helper, to come over. I was assessed and my auntie talked to my husband about the state of my energy. I was at the lowest point in all three regions of my body; I could hear them talking about me but I could not move to respond. She thought I would just rest for the night; I woke up early in the morning in pain. My husband called my auntie again; she and my uncle came quickly. They smudged me with sage and comforted and reassured my husband because he was frightened to see me in the state I was in. My auntie and uncle helped me tremendously; they helped me to realize it was my choice to feel pain or to live free of pain and happy. I chose to live and be happy. So the next step for me was to continue the self-care plan and unburden the hurts of my past to overcome depression and whatever else I had. I talked to the ones I loved over the next few weeks about all the hurts, and asked for forgiveness for the hurt I may have caused them. This was something personal I had to do for me. I had unmet needs as a child and negative beliefs about myself. One of the major beliefs I had about myself was to be perfect. To be perfect is unrealistic of a young woman; this is an exhausting and demanding task as well. It took me to a place of unhappiness in my life. This negative belief began when I was young. I strived to be perfect to receive acknowledgement from the ones who I loved, my parents. I am blessed to have parents who have, like me, sought help and became healthier. I have had several chances to talk to them about my unmet needs and negative beliefs about myself, and they helped me to understand our growing up together. The difference between health professionals and traditional healers is that a western doctor takes seriously the visual signs of his patient. If they have a broken arm, he acknowledges their pain, if they have fever well then he looks for other symptoms and makes a diagnosis and treats the problem. When I came into my doctor’s office I gave him my symptoms, they were not taken seriously because they were not physical. A traditional healer treats the entire person, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The traditional healer also helps the entire family, because believe it or not, if one family member is experiencing depression, the family feels the impact and begins a new cycle of coping and may turn dysfunctional afterwards. The whole family needs their feelings acknowledged, they need reassurance and they need help understanding their loved one’s depression. During the past six years I have become a healthier person, I have gained coping tools and just everyday skills for keeping myself balanced and free of depression. The coping tools I use are participating in women’s talking circles, physical releases, emotional unburdening, traditional ceremonies, the healer’s self-care plan, being with positive people, taking healthy walks, enjoying hobbies, and educating myself. I pace myself at home, at work and in my social life to lessen the stress. I had to give up volunteering on committees, boards of directors, provincial networking groups and more to make room for my self-care, family and life in general. I was doing too much for one person. When I left my job as a family support worker I just took it easy, I was offered contract jobs, small cooking jobs and I tried them out. When I knew the job was ending I took another break. Finally I was feeling more confident that I would keep the balance of home and work at a safe medium and not take on too much, so I applied for another permanent full-time job. I am presently an early years worker and enjoy the flexibility and support I receive at work. I would never hesitate to leave a job that is detrimental to my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. We should all know we have a choice in life, we can choose to live healthily and be good to ourselves. I had the choice to live and be happy and I never want to give up my choice to medication - which made me feel worse - and depression ever again. I also went to school to become a social worker. My school was taught with an aboriginal curriculum base. I will be graduating in January 2006. Over the past three years of my schooling we were given the gifts of unburdening the heavy burdens from our pasts. I chose to let go of old ways and hurts. I will always need to be healing myself; it is an ongoing process and it is becoming more of a habit to just do it. This freed me to be who I am today.
Hear me, Understand me, Support me: What young women want you to know about depression |
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My name is Emandauwqua and Guawannaknowl or Neva Jane. I am Anishinabe from the Chippewa Nation, I am also Hodenashonee from
the Oneida Nation. I am turtle and wolf clan. I am a daughter, sister, mother, wife, community helper and friend.
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Last updated: Dec 13, 2006 4:15 PM Published: Jul 18, 2008 7:22 PM ID#P24718 |