Listen to the voices

Hear me, Understand me, Support me: What young women want you to know about depression

Personally, I know that grading myself against fashion supermodels made my self-esteem plummet, bringing with it my self-confidence, my sense of who I was, my feeling of self-worth, and ultimately my zest for life, my love for myself and my happiness, not to mention my health. I became clinically depressed on top of already having an eating disorder.

I went through a really challenging time in my life about six years ago now. I had been experiencing postpartum blues after weaning my toddler. I wondered why I felt the way I did. I was lonely, sad, angry and just not happy. We're all, like, based on relationships, and if all the relationships you build up for yourself aren’t what you want them to be . . . , then it has an effect on you, because it affects who you are. Because if you can’t get those connections to other people, then you're automatically lost in a hole.

Race has many meanings. Skin colour is one of the first identifiers. Clothing for others. Some are so proud of who they are, they're proud of their heritage. But there are people like myself who basically had a struggle becoming ourselves and not realizing that our race is who we are.

For many lesbians, it’s very hard because probably you've not turned out to be what your parents wanted you to be. For me, it was very hard to deal with that . . . My mother expected a completely different person than who I turned out to be. And society expects you to find a man and get married.

Walk into any high school in Canada and you spot them immediately: the cliques that can either make or break a young girls’ high school experience. Determining which crowd to go with will determine a young girl’s social status, creating immense pressure for young people. The need to be accepted by fellow peers, and to be thought of as “cool,” can be the most important drive in some teenagers. When working with young girls, understanding social pressure is key to understanding depression.

“You're not good enough!” “You can’t do it.” “You can do better.” “Why couldn’t you be more like . . . ?” Often parents see their words as criticism that will help their child do better. What they fail to realize is that these ways to “motivate” us stick with us, and the more we hear them the more we believe them.

My name is Emandauwqua and Guawannaknowl or Neva Jane. I am Anishinabe from the Chippewa Nation, I am also Hodenashonee from the Oneida Nation. I am turtle and wolf clan. I am a daughter, sister, mother, wife, community helper and friend. I went to a healing lodge that helped me to talk and express my feelings; it also helped me to identify my childhood hurts.

My parents were not able to handle my feelings, especially sadness and anger. An only child and the only physically disabled member in my family, I lacked a safe, nurturing, affectionate adult who could validate my feelings and experiences. My parents, like many disabled people’s parents, were trying so hard to give me as “normal” an upbringing as possible that my disability ended up consuming me. Being overwhelmed with stuff where it just builds up, like. You have something to do and you just put it off and put it off and then just at once you have so many things to do . . . and you just can’t do it or you don’t have a lot of support, especially with a young baby. If you're all by yourself too. You get depressed a lot because either you can’t go out with your friends or you're at home with this whining baby who depends on you so much and that is attached to you and you can’t, you know, get rid of them when you feel like it. Or you can’t just pack up and go, you know?

Parents have such an influential role in our lives. There are some that are more adaptable and others who really value their religion and culture. . . . They dictate values such as medical care and relationships, even the use of tampons. Some still value arranged marriages. . . . The pressure of cultural expectations from friends, family and most importantly ourselves is a constant tug of war.

I probably could have been diagnosed with depression at the age of 14 or so, but I didn’t understand what was going on, I just thought I was sad because of what was happening. It wasn't until I was out on my own that I had the time to really think about what was going on in my life, what I had been through and what I had to deal with. I think many young black women who are depressed get stereotyped as angry, aggressive and violent. If a physician does not fully understand how culture and race has a role in how you express yourself and your feelings, illnesses such as depression may be undermined or overlooked. It is very difficult for black females to find physicians who can relate to them . . . Unfortunately, being able to relate to your doctor’s ethnicity or cultural background is a privilege that many of us are not fortunate enough to have.

Maybe it would help to educate the public, rather than focusing on the actual depressed people—opening the minds of those who aren’t depressed so that they're not so judgmental and closed-minded.

Hear me, Understand me, Support me : What young women want you to know about depression

Listen to the voices

Hear me, Understand me, Support me: What young women want you to know about depression

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