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I am a lesbian with athetoid cerebral palsy and I am a power wheelchair user. I have depression and post-traumatic stress disorder as well, and have been in therapy for almost nine years. My disability has never been an issue with my therapist. Disability issues will come up from time to time, but usually within the context of my primary issue: emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse would have existed in my family whether or not I had a disability; however, my disability intensified the abuse. My parents were not able to handle my feelings, especially sadness and anger. An only child and the only physically disabled member in my family, I lacked a safe, nurturing, affectionate adult who could validate my feelings and experiences. My parents, like many disabled people’s parents, were trying so hard to give me as “normal” an upbringing as possible, that my disability ended up consuming my person/self. Consequently, I withdrew at the age of three. I created my “real” life in my head and developed excellent dissociating skills. I lived there so much, I would confuse it for reality at times. As an adolescent, by reading books on psychology, I realized my fantasizing was my way of parenting myself. Dissociating was causing severe psychological and emotional damage; therefore, I decided therapy would be my way of healing someday.

Once attending college, I began looking for a therapist. Prior to finding my present therapist, I tried a few others. They both had issues with my physical disability. One of them was lesbian and able-bodied. It did not work out with her because on my first visit with her, she started the session by asking me, “So, what is your problem?” When I began sharing what I wanted to work on, she stopped me and asked it again, looking at my wheelchair. I remember not believing she was really asking that, since I assumed at the time that all therapists, especially a lesbian therapist, would not have issues with a client who had a disability. The other therapist had a physical disability and was heterosexual. It did not work out with her because our sessions felt like peer counselling, with her sharing her experiences. I needed “real” therapy.

If young women had their experiences validated, they would not be depressed. Service providers need to listen to the client, even if she has communication impairments. The client’s disability ought not to be the focus of the therapy. It is essential to treat the client like any other client and permit her to decide what she wants her goals to be. They ought to be patient with the client because she may not be accustomed to being validated. The client needs to believe, regardless of disability, she has a purpose in this life. She needs the tools to deal with judgmental people. The bottom line is she must be seen as what she is—a whole person.