When There Is No Way Out - Ida

Hear me, Understand me, Support me: In Their Words - Young women's stories, advice and wisdom

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In my fourth year of high school, I recall sitting in class and overhearing a conversation between two classmates that caught my attention:

“Oh, I don’t think they should allow same-sex marriages; it won't be good for the society.”

“It’s just wrong. It’s sick and disgusting. Think about it, they're gonna start trying to make everybody else gay.”

From this conversation, rage consumed me and many questions formed in my head: What do you know about being queer? What’s wrong with same-sex marriages? Why are you straight people constantly tearing us up?!

Homosexuality has been around since the beginning of human time. “Sociologists and anthropologists have documented homosexual behavior in every country on earth - including in tribes that had no contact with outside human beings until the arrival of the anthropologists,” writes Peter McWilliams in Ain’t Nobody’s Business If You Do .

However, due to many people’s beliefs, particularly the assertion by many religions that homosexuality is a sinful choice of lifestyle, too many queers suffer discrimination and oppression from society.

Queer teenagers are often teased, bullied, battered, and even kicked out of homes simply because of a fact they cannot change. Yet for many heterosexuals, this is not their problem. Straight people do not find a need to read up on sexual orientation; straight teenagers do not need to worry about what life may be like as a queer youth; and certainly when the issue of oppression is raised, gay and lesbian issues are too often ignored and left unspoken.

Even though queer teens make up less than 10 percent of the teen population, according to the U.S. Department of Health, “one-third of all teenage suicides are gays and lesbians.”

The following is an excerpt from a story of mine written two years back:

But I can’t stop hating my life, hating what I have to go through. My mind keeps asking “Why, why, why? Why couldn’t I just be normal like everyone else? Why do I have to go through all this shit?” I bury my face into my hands. I couldn’t hold it back any longer. My face burns up. The lump forms in the throat again. Tears fill my eyes and pour down the sides of my face. For awhile, the sobbing is uncontrollable. Finally, after what seemed like hours, I lift my head up. I see the knife lying peacefully before me. The blade glimmers from the moonlight’s reflection. I pick up the handle and pull the knife towards my right hand. I draw the blade towards the wrist. The blade cuts gently through the first layer of the pale skin. A gush of red fluid appears and trickles down my arm. And as the tears drip onto the pierced skin, I feel the sting.

“Suicide is an act of desperation,” says guidance counsellor of Jarvis Collegiate Institute, Ms. Fricker. “When there’s no other solution, when they feel they cannot change their sexual orientation; there’s no way out. They feel that they need to escape because of their nature. They come to despair because of something they are not able to change. I think that the gay and lesbian youth probably suffer the most of all the groups. They suffer the most, psychologically and emotionally, because they get the least recognition of who they are.”

Sexual orientation is not something that queer youths feel they have control over. It is something that just happens. Yet, due to all the negative connotations that are associated with being attracted to the same sex, it is not easy to accept. Denial, confusion, depression and frustration are often what one must endure in the process of understanding one’s own “sinful” feelings.

“Straight Americans need an education of the heart and soul. They must understand - to begin with - how it can feel to spend years denying your own deepest truths, to sit silently through classes, meals and church services while people you love toss off remarks that brutalize your soul,” writes Bruce Bawer in The Advocate (28 April 1998).

When others understand what queer youths must endure every single day of their lives, then perhaps, the lives of young gays and lesbians will suffer a lot less and can live in a safer, healthier environment without having to take the road to self-destruction.

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When There Is No Way Out - Ida

Hear me, Understand me, Support me: In Their Words - Young women's stories, advice and wisdom

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