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ARQ2: Question B4 - Family issues
Tell me about your family. How has your sexual orientation/gender identity affected your relationship with your family? Do you have support from your family?
Relevance/intentThis item assesses the client’s relationship to family of origin and family of choice, and determines the level of support. Issues surrounding the traditional family or family of origin have a different theme and impact for LGBTTTIQ people than for those who are non-LGBTTTIQ. When disclosing their sexual orientation or gender identity, LGBTTTIQ people may fear the reaction of parents, friends, children and extended family. To maintain a positive and supportive relationship with family members, some LGBTTTIQ people choose non-disclosure. Others who choose to come out do not always receive support from their family during or after coming out. Same-gender partners or trans partners may not be included into the family or treated the same way that non-LGBTTTIQ partners are. For example, a straight woman’s husband is regarded as a son by her parents, whereas a lesbian’s female partner is regarded as “only a friend” or “roommate” by her parents. People who have faced familial rejection may have different support systems or “chosen” families, made up of friends and past or current partners and lovers. For people of colour, family can represent a shelter from racism. If LGBTTTIQ people of colour experience lack of support or discrimination at home, it can be particularly isolating for them. They may also need to create a chosen family, which includes people from their own marginalized communities. Counsellors/therapists should always validate clients’ chosen families. For some LGBTTTIQ clients, sexual/romantic relationships are not always the most significant ones in their lives. For example, someone may be emotionally closer to a biological sibling or a chosen family member than to any short- or long-term lovers. LGBTTTIQ people may also create families of their own by becoming parents — this should be acknowledged by clinicians. LGBTTTIQ parents often face struggles in choosing how/when/if to come out to their children. The children also face societal discrimination, and the parents sometimes have to help them cope with this. Some people may be unable to form other social contacts and support systems once they have been alienated from their families. In spite of support systems they may have, some LGBTTTIQ people may use substances or other harmful coping strategies (e.g., problematic eating, overspending, self-harm) to cope with the pain of rejection, isolation or conflict related to their sexual orientation or gender identity. For Internet resources on family issues, please see the Resources section. Additional probesWho are the members of your family? Are you out to your mother, father, brother(s), sister(s), children, family members? What did your family do when you came out? What are your concerns about coming out to your family? Are you still part of the family? Are you welcome in the family? What is your relationship like with your family? Does your family welcome your partner(s)? Do you have children? Have you come out to your children? What has that been like for you and for them? If you are isolated from your family of origin, do you have a chosen family? Client perceptions“I came out to my mother and that’s when my drinking went out of control.” “We’re never going to be able to have children. If you don’t have money, you can’t do in vitro fertilization. If you have a mental illness, it’s hard to adopt. It’s even harder for us to adopt because we are a lesbian couple and we each have been diagnosed with mental illness. So, we’re dealing with that when we both really want children.” “My daughter has a rough time in high school. She goes to Pride every year with me and if she wears her Pride T-shirt to school, other students are nasty and cruel. She has short hair and they say, ‘Well, I guess you’re going to be like your mom,’ even though she’s not gay. And if she is, so what? I’m going to be proud of her no matter what. My kids put up with more than I have sometimes.” Therapist/counsellor perceptions“When you add a mental health issue on top, you have twice the risk of not only hassle, but being disowned from the family. Some families are not exactly supportive of mental health issues either. So then you’ve got a double whammy.” “Trans people have a difficult time with their families, because they are trying to get acceptance from their families. And in some cases, for example, a transwoman’s family members are not able to make the shift right away to using the correct pronoun. So they have these ongoing struggles to get family members to acknowledge who they are and to use the correct words to refer to them.” “If you have been part of a certain family unit or an extended family unit and suddenly you lose that, it takes a long time to rebuild. It isn’t easy, especially if you are just coming out and just beginning to familiarize yourself with the culture. It can be scary.” “Some people, if their parents are very religious or from different cultures, they don’t tell the parents. They just can’t go there. They’re struggling with those cultural familial constraints.” Family of origin is the biological family or the family that was significant in a person’s early development. Family of choice or chosen family refers to the people who provide support, nurturing and acceptance and are significant to a person.
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Last updated: Mar 14, 2007 9:51 AM Published: Aug 27, 2008 4:58 PM ID#P19846 |