ARQ2: Question A1 - Significant Relationships

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Are you currently dating, sexually active or in a relationship(s)? yes no

If yes… is (are) your partner(s) female male intersex transsexual transgendered two-spirit other? __________________ prefer not to answer

How long have you been together or dating? ________________

How important/significant is this (are these) relationship(s) to you? not much somewhat very much

If you have had previous relationships, was (were) your partner(s) female male intersex transsexual transgendered two-spirit other? __________________ prefer not to answer

Relevance/intent

Same-gender relationships do not receive the same validation that most heterosexual relationships receive in society. Therefore, clients may feel uncomfortable being open about their relationships or the gender of their partner. This item will convey to the client that the therapist/counsellor or agency acknowledges, identifies and validates same-gender relationships.

These questions acknowledge and validate transgendered, transsexual and intersex partners.

Gender variance and diversity is also stigmatized in our society. Clients who have transgendered, transsexual or intersex partners may feel more comfortable disclosing their partner’s gender identity when asked respectfully and directly.

Significant relationships are not always congruent with sexual orientation or sexual behaviour. For example, a client may be in a heterosexual marriage but be involved in an extramarital same-sex relationship or a bisexual man may be in a monogamous same-gender relationship.

The questions also acknowledge and validate multiple and non-monogamous partnerships. These relationships too are stigmatized in our society. Questions should be asked in a manner and tone that does not privilege monogamy over polyamory, multiple partnerships or other relationship forms.

Although LGBTTTIQ people may have to deal with specific relationship factors (e.g., invisibility of same-gender or trans partners, non-acceptance of partners by family, lack of outlets for discussing relationship dynamics and dating), therapists/counsellors should acknowledge that LGBTTTIQ people also face many of the same relationship issues that non-LGBTTTIQ people face. These include issues such as domestic violence or partner abuse, grief over the death of a partner, relationship breakups, interpersonal problems and parenting.

Client perceptions

“When I went to [addiction treatment agency], the nurse asked me, ‘What’s the name of your husband?’ I said, ‘I don’t have a husband.’ ‘Okay,’ she asked, ‘is it your boyfriend?’ I said, ‘I have a partner.’ She said, ‘What’s his name?’ When it comes to these questions, it’s so uncomfortable. I don’t make it a big deal myself. I just said, ‘Her name is [name].’ But then you can see their faces changing. Then you feel uncomfortable for the rest of the questions.”

Therapist/counsellor perceptions

“Therapists must make it clear to the clients that they are comfortable with same-sex couples. We need to be inclusive of clients who have or have had relationships with transgendered men and women.”

“Our questions on relationships are non-gender specific: ‘Is your partner male or female?’ I have seen women’s faces light up when I put that question to them. It tells them it’s okay to be a lesbian here.”

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Asking the Right Questions 2

• Acknowledgments
• Introduction
• Using the manual
• Background information:
  • Part A — Client Questionnaire
    • A1: Significant relationships
    • A2: Sexual orientation
    • A3: Gender identity
    • A4: Relationship between sexual orientation/gender identity and substance use and/or mental health concerns
  • Part B — Conversation Guide
• Counsellor competence
• Resources
• References
• Appendix

• Print Bookmark