Book helps children whose parents drink too much
CrossCurrents
Astrid Van Den Broek
Little Maggie has heaps of wishes and worries. She wishes her father wouldn't drink so much. She worries about her father
drinking too much. She wishes her family wasn't so different from other families. She worries about her family being so different
from other families. She wishes her friends would come over to play, and worries about them doing exactly that.
For children such as Maggie, namely kids of parents with substance use problems, it's all too appropriate that a new book
aimed at helping them cope with their feelings is titled Wishes and Worries. Maggie may be a fictional character in the story published by the Toronto-based Centre for Addiction and Mental Health,
but the book reflects the fear and uncertainty that is the reality of many children with a parent who has an alcohol problem.
Helping children deal with the problem is important because it is well established that children of parents with substance
use issues have a higher likelihood of developing mental health and substance use problems themselves. Children may also lose
their childhood sense of whimsy. "They become in a sense 'parentified,'" says Lyn Westwood, an art psychotherapist in the
Adolescent Medicine Division of Toronto's Hospital for Sick Children. "They often take on the responsibilities of parenting
younger siblings, as well as looking after the addicted parent when they are no longer able to look after themselves."
So given the questions and fears children may have, books like Wishes and Worries, which is targeted toward five- to 10-year-olds,
are invaluable. "There's not a lot of children's literature that talks about alcohol or other substance use," says Diana Dickey,
a child development consultant at the Jean Tweed Centre, a substance use treatment facility for women in Toronto. "Whether
it's a parent or someone else who's aware of the problem, they can use books to begin to open up discussion of the problem."
Books can also help eliminate the feelings of isolation that swirl around these children. "The book provides a safe framework
for the child to realize that he or she isn't necessarily the only one," says Dickey.
Diane Buhler, executive director of Toronto-based Parent Action on Drugs, agrees. She says books like Wishes and Worries offer
one consistent message to children: You are not alone. "No matter what the issue is, children measure themselves and their
situations against the existing stereotype of relationships of family dynamics," says Buhler. "When they do that, they think,
'If I'm different, something must be wrong with me.'" In children's own language and graphically, a book can say, 'You are
not alone; this is not a unique situation for you; and there is help and hope.' It's a very simple message but one that needs
to get to children in these situations."
Of course a book is only one component of helping children through a parent's problem. The Jean Tweed Centre's Pathways to Healthy Families program observes the child's and family's needs. "These children get individual play therapy," explains Dickey. "We do a
lot of work around exploring feelings, talking, a lot of games. It's very hands-on and very child-centred."
Individual therapy also gives the child an ally. "It offers an external support system where children know there's at least
one person to whom they can go when things seem too out of control or frightening or confusing," says Westwood. "That person
becomes an ally when trying to negotiate change in the family."
Such supports are invaluable, but Buhler thinks much more programming is needed for children with parents who have a substance
use problem. "Most help is directed to the person who's using [the substance].
There isn't much for kids in households where a family member is or has used substantially," says Buhler. "I'd like to see
programs that would help reconfigure the parent-child dynamic." Key to that dynamic and to improving children's resiliency
is open and honest communication that can begin with a simple but poignant story.
For information about Wishes and Worries or to place an order, please contact Marketing and Sales Services at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health at toll-free 1 800 661-1111 or 416 595-6059 in Toronto, or send an e-mail to
marketing@camh.net.
Centre for Addiction
