From deficits to strengths: How to help families nurture resilient children

CrossCurrents

by Karen Shenfeld

“Happy families are all alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way,” wrote the nineteenth-century Russian writer Leo Tolstoy at the opening of his tragic novel Anna Karenina. Only two decades ago, researchers and clinicians in the field of family therapy seemed well attuned to Tolstoy’s famous remark, focusing the bulk of their attention on family deficits.

“The traditional view of the family has been pathology-based,” says Dr. Froma Walsh, co-director of the Chicago Center for Family Health. “It held that a wide range of disorders were rooted in negative family influences.”

But experts like Walsh have turned their focus away from family deficits toward family strengths. They argue that all families are resilient – they have qualities and capabilities that can be harnessed to help them surmount, and grow from, adversity. “All families with appropriate supports also have the potential to encourage the healthy development and resilience of their children,” says Walsh.

But what exactly is resilience, and how can professionals working with families help them nurture that quality in their children?

The concept of resilience, as developed in the work of epidemiologist James C. Anthony and child psychiatrist Michael Rutter, refers to the ability of individuals, families or communities to withstand and bounce back after experiences of adversity. Long-term developmental studies such as that of Emmy Werner and Ruth Smith document the ability of individuals to overcome adversity. Werner and Smith followed nearly 700 Hawaiian children from birth (in 1955) to adulthood. The children were being raised in high-risk environments, with high levels of poverty, alcohol and other drug problems, physical and sexual abuse and mental illness. But despite these risk factors, most of the children grew up to be not only successful by societal standards, but “confident, competent, and caring” persons.

While early studies identified personal traits, held to be inborn or acquired without outside influence, as key to resilience, it is now recognized as the outcome of a subtle interplay of protective factors inherent in individuals, families and the community.

“Family protective factors are, in fact, the main aspects that define a good family life,” says Dr. Tatyana Barankin, a psychiatrist in the Child, Youth and Family Program at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) in Toronto. Here, Barankin and other experts offer tips for how professionals working with families can help them enhance their children’s resilience.

Promote effective communication. Families foster resilience when they allow all members to constructively express their emotions, points of view and concerns and make them feel they are listened to with empathy, says Barankin. “Clinicians can model effective communication during therapy sessions, for example, by demonstrating to parents and children how to use “I statements” – “I feel worried when you don’t come home right after school because I don’t know where you are” – so family members don’t feel judged and blamed. Clinicians can help family members listen well by advising them to not interrupt others, to nod their heads and to ask appropriate questions. “Clinicians sometimes have to explain to parents that children have the right to express their feelings and be listened to,” says Barankin.

Clinicians can suggest informal weekly family meetings, to plan the week, discuss current or upcoming issues and talk about problems. If family members have difficulty controlling their temper when communicating, clinicians can integrate anger management techniques into their sessions or suggest an anger management program.

Help families develop problem-solving skills. “Clinicians can act as mediators to help families resolve conflicts,” says Barankin. “They can also teach families problem-solving steps.” Steps include learning how to identify a problem, brainstorm possible solutions, evaluate the possibilities, decide on the best solution, try it out and evaluate the outcome. “Clinicians must remain non-judgmental and empathic,” says Barankin. “They need to help families stay positive, even in the face of challenges.”

Teach parents an authoritative parenting style. “Research has shown that parenting style, not family structure, is one of the main determinants of children’s well-being,” says Bonnie Benard, a senior program associate at WestEd, a U.S. educational research and human development organization. Psychologist Laurence Steinberg coined the term “authoritative” to describe the parenting style most likely to foster children’s resilience. Authoritative adults:

• are warm, nurturing and loving, even when expressing disapproval of a child’s behaviour;
• provide firm, clearly defined rules and the reasons for the rules, while being flexible when they need to be;
• discipline constructively, fairly and consistently, recognizing that discipline is a form of teaching, not punishment;
• have appropriate expectations of their children, in keeping with their children’s physical, emotional and intellectual stage of development; and
• praise their children for their efforts and accomplishments.

“Clinicians can motivate parents to join parenting groups or enroll in parent skills training programs to develop a more authoritative parenting style,” says Barankin. “They can also teach parents about children's normal developmental milestones and appropriate expectations geared to the child’s age and level of maturity.” Parents need to know that praising their child’s efforts and accomplishments helps build confidence, self-esteem and resilience.

Encourage families to spend time together. Clinicians can encourage family members to set aside time to enjoy leisure time together, including outdoor activities such as going skating or taking a walk or social activities such as going for ice cream, playing cards or going out to a movie.

Support involvement of extended family and community. Research has shown that the care and support of just one nurturing adult – a parent, other relative, teacher or mentor – can make a dramatic difference in a child’s life. Barankin stresses that therapists can help clients access the support of an extended family member to help care for children, especially when one or both parents have substance use or mental health problems. “Therapists can recruit supports for families so that families, no matter their make-up are not isolated and under-resourced.” says Froma Walsh. Barankin adds that clinicians can also help clients access subsidized day care, after-school programs and summer camps.

Help families develop a sense of belonging and security. Children tend to grow up resilient when they feel a sense of belonging and security. “Clinicians can help families instill a sense of belonging by encouraging them to celebrate birthdays and other festivities, both secular and religious,” says Barankin. Clinicians can also help motivate families to maintain regular dinner times and bedtime routines, which give children a sense of security.

Promote shared beliefs. Shared beliefs help members make meaning of crisis situations, facilitate a hopeful outlook and provide transcendent or spiritual values,” says Walsh. Clinicians can put families in touch with their faith communities. “Spiritual nourishment can also be found outside the realms of formal religion through a deep personal connection with nature, music, the arts or to a higher power,” says Walsh.

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