Linda Stewardson - 2004 Courage to Come Back Award Recipient

Thunder Bay, Ontario

May 2004

Linda Stewardson is the oldest of six children who was raised in a small town near North Bay, Ontario.  As a young child, Linda experienced abuse at the hands of her stepfather - physically, sexually and emotionally.  She began drinking at the age of eight. At 13, her stepfather tried to kill her by stabbing her in the chest and leaving her to die on the side of the road.  Fortunately, she was noticed by a passerby and taken to the hospital for treatment and recovery. Shortly after this, Linda's mother moved with her children to Toronto where Linda was expected to adapt to a big city, forget the abuse and live a happy, normal life.   She recalls that she was offered no counseling or support and that "living a normal life" was much easer said than done.  As a result, she was forced to survive in any way she knew how.

Linda spiraled downward and she first attempted suicide at the age of fourteen after living in a variety of group homes.  Over the intervening years, she attempted suicide approximately fifty times.  One attempt, when she was 27 years old, nearly destroyed her liver and left her in intensive care.  Linda had never had the opportunity to make friends, learn how to communicate, think of a career or just laugh and have fun.  She had always believed that she was going to die and had decided that it was just a matter of time.  By the time she was 20, Linda was doing crack/cocaine and heroin and had developed anorexia.  She starved herself and at one point her weight plummeted to 82 lbs. 

Linda tried many times to overcome her addictions through various programs.  At one point, she felt that recovery was pointless and that there were too many obstacles to overcome. She decided that she had to try so that she could at least tell the world she tried. Five years ago, she moved from Toronto to Thunder Bay to attend a recovery program and an eating disorders treatment program.  After getting clean, she found that issues with mental illness began to surface.  She hadn't realized that the addictions were a mask that she hid behind so that she didn't have to face all of the underlying issues.  She spent her first year following treatment in crisis and in and out of psychiatric units.  After a lot of hard work, Linda has defeated both her eating disorder and her addictions. 

Linda now speaks about her experiences and had a great impact on many audiences.  She volunteers as a peer support worker in the Rehabilitation Action Program and sits on advisory committees for the Crisis Response Service and the Education and Training Program.  She also volunteers in the area of suicide prevention and depression and works as an advocate for the Canadian Mental Health Association.  She has seen her public speaking make positive changes, encouraging support for programs and services in her community.  After one speech, a young girl told her that she had changed her mind about committing suicide and felt that if Linda could make it, she could too.  Linda now says, "I was born four years ago.  For the first time, I am looking forward to my future."

 

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