10.3 Limit setting

A Family Guide to Concurrent Disorders - Part III: Treatment

Setting limits can help to prevent conflicts from turning into crises. Conflicts can result from interpersonal problems between the person who is ill and his or her family members, or between the ill individual and other people. The family member with concurrent disorders may also experience conflict for other reasons, such as changes in his or her daily routine, difficulties with finances or loss of housing.

Family members may feel guilty when they set limits on their ill loved one’s behaviours  or insist that he or she follow the rules and guidelines that everyone else in the family is expected to follow.

By refusing to set limits, families may believe that they are being helpful in preventing their relative from becoming unnecessarily upset or angry. Consistent rules and boundaries can help to create a sense of predictability and security.

It is usually best to avoid:

• making excuses (e.g., “He’s just upset today.” “She'll go to her day program tomorrow.” “A few drinks won't hurt him and it may help him calm down.” “It’s okay if she comes home late. She has such a hard life.”)
• paying their bills
• giving extra money, often over and over again, and being surprised when it’s used to buy more alcohol or other drugs
• bailing the person out of jail
• making excuses for irresponsible behaviour
• ignoring problems (e.g., mental, emotional, financial, employment, legal) caused by the person’s substance use
• accepting excuses or believing lies.

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