10.4 Dealing with inappropriate behaviour

A Family Guide to Concurrent Disorders - Part III: Treatment

Don't allow:

• yelling, swearing or other forms of emotional aggression
• physical aggression
• dangerous behaviour such as smoking in bed
• stealing from family members or friends
• misuse of money that is intended for rent or other basic needs.

Although it may be difficult when your loved one suffers from concurrent disorders, it can be helpful to set limits on his or her use of alcohol and/or other drugs in your home.

When objecting to unacceptable behaviour, be clear and request specific changes in the person’s behaviour. For instance:

• Identify problems (e.g., spending weekly allowance on alcohol rather than on bus fare, or coming home late intoxicated and disturbing other family members).
• Work on one problem at a time.
• Avoid making demands or becoming confrontational.
• Clearly state your expectations for the future in a positive, non-judgmental, non-threatening manner. For example, try saying “I would like you to —————— .” or “We would really appreciate it if you would —————— .” or “It is important to me (and/or other members of the family) that you help us by—————— .”
• Help the person to understand the consequences of ignoring a boundary or limit on a particular behaviour (e.g., no additional money will be given that week; you will buy bus tickets and give them to your relative rather than giving him or her the money, which could be spent on alcohol).
• Be consistent in both limit-setting and following through with consequences.
• Review the limits set on particular behaviours and redesign the plan as necessary.

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