Alone In Canada - Learning the unwritten rules of Canadian manners
"I was so embarrassed. I am blushing now just talking about it. I had never used a knife and fork in my life. In China we
use chopsticks for everything. But, on the plane I had to use a knife and fork. I didn't know how. Even now, I am uncomfortable
eating with my Canadian friends. I am afraid they will laugh at my table manners." - Zhang, from China
Every culture has rules on manners and good behaviour. Many of these are unwritten, as they are learned at an early age and
are taken for granted by everyone. Coming to Canada means learning the Canadian rules about manners and behaviour. You will
know when you have broken the rules by people's negative reactions. You may find that your normal behaviour - for example,
at meal times - is strange to Canadians. Or it could be the other way around. You may find that certain things that Canadians
say and do are very rude!
Unwritten rules affect everything, including friendships, dating and dealing with co-workers and managers. When you come to
Canada, there are few books you can turn to for help - you have to learn the Canadian rules through experience. This can add
to your stress and confusion.
Wagner, a newcomer from Argentina, noticed these unwritten rules: "You can never be late, you must always be on time. You
must always look at your manager when you are talking to him. If you avoid his eyes he will think something is wrong. You
must call an adult female a 'woman.' If you call her a 'girl' she may think you are insulting her."
When you feel that you have broken an unwritten rule, the first thing to do is to recognize that you have done so. Rather
than feel angry or embarrassed, ask the person about that rule and what he or she was expecting from you. It may help to laugh
at yourself and the situation. This will reduce the tension. It is one more thing to learn as you adjust to life here.
Exercise
This exercise may help you to identify some unwritten rules.
List three situations where you felt you had broken an unwritten Canadian rule. For each one, write what happened, how you
felt and how you dealt with it. Discuss these with a friend or with someone in your English class and try to identify the
unwritten rule.
Situation 1:
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Situation 2:
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Situation 3:
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