Alone In Canada - Finding a boyfriend or girlfriend
"The priorities are of course to learn English, better my education and to look to the future. Everybody needs money and a
good job but emotionally, you need something too. My boyfriend is Canadian…" - Erica, from Venezuela
Most of us need some kind of intimate relationship in life. Some people may ignore these feelings until they feel settled
in Canada. For others, waiting that long simply adds to their isolation and loneliness.
Coming to Canada may mean getting used to dating - something that you might not do in your homeland. You may find that dating
is awkward and scary. For example, in Canada there is more equality between women and men than in some other countries or
cultures. It is not unusual for a woman to ask a man to go on a date. On the date, it is all right if she pays for half the
bill. These differences in culture and gender can add to the stress of trying to start a relationship. Do not give up. If
the person is interested in developing a more intimate friendship with you, both of you will find ways to overcome the obstacles.
Here is another view from Galeb, a newcomer from Iraq. "On weekends I go to a bar. Most people there are Canadian. I am handsome,
I put on good clothes, and my English is fair. I can communicate. I find a girl and I dance with her. After some time something
happens because I am an immigrant. People don't know my personality, other times they think that maybe I do not have a car
and lots of money in my pocket. So the girls refuse to continue dancing with me. But eleven months ago I met a woman who is
now my regular girlfriend. Many people don't have that."
You may find that there is more openness about sexuality in this country than in your homeland. There may also be more acceptance
of same-sex relationships. Some newcomers find this difficult, as it goes against their cultural and religious values. Others
find this openness feels welcoming and safer than the sexual standards they left behind.
Many people find that talking about sex is embarrassing. Some prefer not to talk about it all. But as your relationship develops,
and before you become sexually intimate, it is important to discuss safe sex and using contraceptives. This way you can protect
yourself and your partner from an unplanned pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease.
You also need to talk about what you expect from the relationship, and about what you can do to make sure that you enjoy your
time together - both as friends and as lovers.
Exercise
1. How do you feel about the idea of dating in Canada compared to dating in your home country?
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2. How did you meet your close friends back home?
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3. Do you plan to find a girlfriend or boyfriend in Canada? How?
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