Take Action: Preventing alcohol and other drug problems in your family

Preventing Alcohol and Other Drug Problems in Your Family: Take Action Now!
Talk About It
When a family knows how to talk -- and listen -- to each other, serious problems, like those related to alcohol or other drugs, are less likely to develop. Being able to talk openly and honestly with one another strengthens families and brings family members closer together.

Things You Can Do:

Make sure your family talks about alcohol and other drugs before there is a problem. Make sure you know the facts! If you don't know the answer to a question someone asks, say so and look for the answer together.
Prepare yourself for a variety of attitudes, values and beliefs that will come up when you discuss alcohol and other drugs. Try to sort out your own feelings and understand those of other family members.
Talk about both sides -- the pros and the cons -- of using alcohol and other drugs. People use alcohol and other drugs for a wide variety of reasons.
Make sure family members, from the youngest to the oldest, have a chance to express opinions without being interrupted.
If somebody's point of view is unclear, ask for it to be explained in another way, until you understand it. Repeat it to make sure.
Try to "hear" and respond to the feelings behind the words that people use.
Be sensitive to age differences when talking about alcohol and other drugs. Young children, for example, usually accept answers from parents; teens may not. Don't expect teens to agree with everything that their parents say.

Look for interesting ways to bring up the topic of alcohol and other drugs. When you see tobacco, alcohol or other drugs used on a TV show, advertised on a billboard, in a magazine or in a movie, you might want to ask questions like, "Why were drugs shown that way?" or "How did alcohol make that person feel?"

Find out more information about alcohol and other drugs.
One way is to call the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health's 24-hour Drug and Alcohol Information Line at 1-800-463-6273. In Toronto, call 416-595-6111. The service is free, completely confidential and available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

The service is available in English and French and offers information on a wide variety of alcohol- and drug-related topics. Taped messages include: Alcohol, Children and the Family; Talking with your Kids About Drugs; and An Early Start: Drug Education Begins at Home.

Information on some of these topics is available in Cantonese, Greek, Hindi, Italian, Mandarin, Polish, Portuguese, Punjabi, Spanish and Urdu.

Support Each Other
Having someone you can count on in your family can make a big difference. Show your love, listen, follow through with promises, and be ready to help when asked -- all are ways to develop support in the family. Knowing you can count on your family can mean fewer problems with alcohol and other drugs.

Things You Can Do:

Build confidence and self-esteem. Be generous -- and genuine -- with praise for what family members do well and when they try to do better. Things can't always be perfect. Have realistic expectations and recognize even small achievements.
Express your worries about family members in a way that shows you care about the other person's well-being and safety.
Try to keep things in perspective. When there is a problem, don't be overwhelmed by it. Remember, there's something positive in most situations.
Accept and value each member of your family as a unique person. Everyone's different. Encourage differences and avoid making comparisons among family members.
Recognize that everyone has an opinion. Young children, teens, parents, grandparents, and family members not living at home can all have something important to contribute.

Don't put conditions on your love, by saying, "I'll love you if...." The people in your family need to know that, no matter what they do or say, you'll still love them.

Try different ways to show your love and that you care. Give warm hugs and smiles, listen, and take an interest in the activities of others.

Look for chances to share activities with individual members of your family, like going to a ball game, going for a swim, baking cookies, walking the dog, going for a bike ride or playing games.

When you're under stress, it's OK to ask for help. Give your immediate family, other relatives or friends a chance to offer support. There's often someone to give the support you need.

Set the Rules
A family works best when it sets rules and responsibilities for each member. Tension, arguments and stress -- things that can contribute to problems with alcohol or other drugs -- can be avoided when there are guidelines to follow.
Things You Can Do:

Have a set of rules for all important issues, including the use of alcohol and other drugs. You can talk about them or even write them down. The important thing is that your family has rules and everyone understands what they are.
Get your whole family -- from the youngest to the oldest -- involved in making the rules. The best rules are the ones everyone helped make.
Think about the expectations your family has regarding the use of alcohol, tobacco, prescribed and over-the-counter medications, and other drugs. Does everyone know them? Are they clear? Has everyone agreed to them? If not, discuss and agree on the family's expectations and rules. You may want to talk about:
-- drinking and driving
-- smoking
-- alcohol use at parties
-- taking prescription drugs that are not yours
-- mixing alcohol with other drugs
-- getting drunk
-- serving alcohol in your home
-- using illegal drugs.
Talk about what will happen if rules are broken. Consider a range of consequences for each rule that is broken. Make sure the rules and consequences are consistently enforced and respected by all family members.
Encourage family members to ask questions to make sure they really understand the expectations and rules, and the consequences of breaking them.
Encourage family members to assume responsibility for their actions. Everyone should be allowed to make their own choices -- and be responsible for the consequences. You can be sensitive and concerned about other family members, but don't take on responsibility for their behavior, such as their misuse of alcohol or other drugs.
Praise good behavior, especially when family members follow the rules about substance use.
Review the rules from time to time as a family, and update them if you need to. As people grow older, some rules may need to change (e.g., when teens reach the legal drinking age).

Be a Good Role Model
The things you say and do can have a strong influence on other members of your family. Children notice -- and imitate -- the way their parents, older brothers or sisters, and other relatives handle alcohol, tobacco and other drugs. That's why it's important to be a good role model. If you do use alcohol or prescription drugs, use them wisely

Things You Can Do:

Think about the kind of example you set for your family. If you answer "yes" to any of the following questions, you may want to make a change!
--Has your family ever seen you drunk?
--Do you always drink when you celebrate something important?
--Do you think it's cool or funny to get drunk?
--Do you smoke cigarettes?
--Do you smoke marijuana?
--Do you drink alcohol every day?
--Do you take sleeping pills often?
--Do you ever drink and drive?
Drink in moderation: you're less likely to have problems with alcohol if you drink no more than one or two drinks a day. It's a good idea to avoid drinking at all, at least one day a week. Know when it's important not to drink.
When you drink or use drugs, don't drive -- there's no guaranteed safe level.
Don't use alcohol with medications. The combination can be dangerous.
Avoid using alcohol or other drugs to cope with stress. It may become a habit that you can't control. Look for other ways to deal with stress that won't harm you or your family, such as talking with a friend, exercising, going for a walk or taking a warm bath.
Make sure you offer alcohol-free drinks when you host a party or have people over. If a person chooses not to drink, don't single them out.
Be sure to talk to your family about the risk of smoking -- even if you smoke. Let them know how hard it is to quit. Don't ask children to buy cigarettes for you. If someone's smoking bothers you, it's OK to let them know.
Let your family know -- by what you say and what you do -- that using drugs is not glamorous or funny, no matter how it is shown in movies or on TV. The way you talk about and react to the misuse of alcohol and other drugs is important. It helps shape the attitudes, opinions and behavior of other family members.
Show your family, by example, that you don't have to use alcohol or other drugs to have a good time.
If you begin to notice problems because you're using alcohol or other drugs, it's time to cut back or stop. If you need help, get it. You may want to talk to a family member, a friend, a professional counsellor, your doctor or a member of the clergy.

Express Yourself
Everybody has feelings about other family members and what happens in their family. Feelings are not good or bad in themselves. It's what you do with feelings that matters. Sometimes it's hard, but speaking up and letting others know how you feel can help avoid misunderstandings and help bring family members closer together.

Things you can do:

Avoid trying to guess what other family members feel; ask them instead. You can only know and speak accurately about your own feelings.
Make time for family members to share their feelings about important things. Try to "be there" for them when they want to talk. If they choose a time that's not good for you, ask if it can wait until you have more time, and then follow-up as soon as you can.
Let people know when you're pleased with the way things are going, not just when you're upset.
Remember, it's natural and normal to sometimes feel angry, frustrated and hurt by others -- even people you're close to.
Let other family members know how much you care for them. Create opportunities to tell -- and show -- your family how much you love them.
Be as clear as possible when you talk about how a family member's use of alcohol or other drugs makes you feel. For example:
--"When you smoke cigarettes, I worry about your health."
--"When you go to a party and drink, I'm scared you will drive home."
Discuss the things you're angry or upset about with the person whose behavior led to the feelings; try not to take "it" out on others.
Don't keep your feelings bottled up. Find the right moment to express them. Others need to know how you feel and have a chance to respond.
If you have trouble talking to a family member, don't give up. Ask someone you're comfortable with for help with ideas on how to do it. Together, think of different ways you can approach the other family member. Then try one!

Make Time for One Another
In any family, it's important to spend time together. When you share interests and activities, your family ties grow stronger. Families that make time for one another are less likely to have problems with alcohol and other drugs. But sharing activities together doesn't just happen; you have to work at it.

Things You Can Do:

Have family traditions, such as celebrating birthdays, holidays and anniversaries. Also, find other reasons for the family to celebrate, like a good score on a test, a new job, a new pet, talking about a problem, another school year, a new season or a great idea!
involve everyone when you plan things to do. Sometimes you may have to compromise to make sure everyone's happy and feels included.
Join in the fun, even when you're not doing one of your favorite activities. Participating in other family members' activities shows interest and respect.
Set aside time to get together regularly. If you're really busy, try planning to eat at least one meal a week together (with the TV off and no one reading the paper!).
Use these times together to talk about lots of things -- things that concern you. Make sure all family members are given a chance to speak and be heard.
Plan activities that strengthen the bond between family members, like camping, going to a ball game, concert, bowling or fishing, even if they don't involve the whole family.
Be spontaneous, go with the flow and be flexible! Often, the best times are those that haven't been planned. Decide on a whim to visit a community fair or the circus, or just enjoy an unexpected beautiful day together.
Involve everyone in dealing with difficult times, as well as the good times. Even a crisis can bring your family closer together.
Listen carefully for times when family members ask for or want to help -- like when someone asks for help with homework, wants a story read, wants to go shopping or run errands. He or she may just want to spend some time with you!