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Take Action! Preventing alcohol and other drug problems in your family

Everybody has feelings about other family members and what happens in their family. Feelings are not good or bad in themselves. It's what you do with feelings that matters. Sometimes it's hard, but speaking up and letting others know how you feel can help avoid misunderstandings and help bring family members closer together.

Things you can do:

1. Avoid trying to guess what other family members feel; ask them instead. You can only know and speak accurately about your own feelings.
2. Make time for family members to share their feelings about important things. Try to “be there” for them when they want to talk. If they choose a time that's not good for you, ask if it can wait until you have more time, and then follow-up as soon as you can.
3. Let people know when you're pleased with the way things are going, not just when you're upset.
4. Remember, it's natural and normal to sometimes feel angry, frustrated and hurt by others — even people you're close to.
5. Let other family members know how much you care for them. Create opportunities to tell — and show — your family how much you love them.
6. Be as clear as possible when you talk about how a family member's use of alcohol or other drugs makes you feel. For example:
   • “When you smoke cigarettes, I worry about your health.”
   • “When you go to a party and drink, I'm scared you will drive home.”
7. Discuss the things you're angry or upset about with the person whose behavior led to the feelings; try not to take “it” out on others.
8. Don't keep your feelings bottled up. Find the right moment to express them. Others need to know how you feel and have a chance to respond.
9. If you have trouble talking to a family member, don't give up. Ask someone you're comfortable with for help with ideas on how to do it. Together, think of different ways you can approach the other family member. Then try one!